Sleeping Beauty: After “Happily Ever After”

“So, Prince Charming, how did things go with Sleeping Beauty this week?”

“Remember, Doctor, she insisted on changing her name.  Now she’s Sleeping Charming.  I told her that we’re living in modern times, that women don’t change their names when they get married, but she insisted.  I mean, really.  Sleeping Charming?  Who ever heard of such a ridiculous name?”

“It is a little odd, I’ll agree.  Now let’s get back on track.  You started seeing me because she doesn’t believe in divorce.  Is that still correct?”

“Yeah, you got it, Doc.  But she thinks the idea of therapy is just as ludicrous as divorce.  Nowadays it’s vogue to have a shrink, but she thinks there is something wrong with me for seeing one. Well, duh.”

“What do you think of her assessment?”

“Well, I mean, I did kiss a practically dead girl and then was so surprised when she woke up that I married her.”

“Is that what happened?”

“Umm, not exactly, no.”

“So what happened?”

“Man, she was smoking hot.  But she wouldn’t bump uglies unless we got hitched.”

“Hmmm…”

“Ok, Ok, I see your point.  It was a really bad idea to marry someone just to knock boots.  But you know, I thought if it didn’t work out, we’d just go our separate ways.”

“But that’s not working out so well for you.”

“Nah, man.  She’s such an old fashioned prude.”

“Well, she was asleep for the past 100 years.  A lot has changed.”

Sigh.  “I know.  The whole damned castle was.  Now not only do I have to put up with her archaic views, but I gotta deal with her parents, too.  Her old man is still furious at me for not asking for Sleeping’s hand before I married her.  And her mother won’t let her put on a bloody pair of pants so we can ride my motorcycle.  Not that she’d ever get on my bike, but it’s still a drag.  I mean, I can’t even begin to see her ass through those big frilly dresses she wears.”

“How are her parents handling the loss of their kingdom?”

“Her dad is still outraged.  But what can you expect? He’s been asleep for 100 years.  The whole damn world can’t stop and wait for them to wake up.  More horrifying to her mom is all the changes around her.  The cars, the cell phones, the lack of work ethic in the staff, the disrespect of youth.  It’s all so very shocking”

“How’s your sex life?”

“Let’s not even open that can of worms.  I mean, all she wants to do is lay there and any time I mention a sexy outfit or a quickie in the shower, she turns redder than a freshly spanked ass in a thong.  What’s the point of marrying a Beauty if you barely get the nookie you married her for in the first place?”

“How do you think she feels about you?”

“I think she thinks she made a grave mistake.  It’s very difficult for her to accept the fact that I don’t hunt quail on the weekends.  Apparently conquering the concrete jungle just isn’t the same in her eyes.”

“Just remember to put yourself in her shoes from time to time.  She has had quite a lot of shock over the last few months.”

“You’re right, Doc, but really, don’t you think she deserved what she got, at least a little?  I mean, really, with that kind of curse floating around, you wouldn’t catch me within a hundred feet of a spindle, no matter how desperate the situation.  I mean, she’s a ditz through and through.”

“I will agree that maybe that wasn’t the best hobby for her to pick up.”

“Yeah, no shit.”

“Well, Prince, it looks like we’re out of time.  I think we’re making some headway in getting to the root of your marital problems.  The challenge here will be finding some common ground for you two to be able to make some compromises. Are you sure you can’t persuade her to join our sessions?”

“Really, I think my only hope is to track down that wicked fairy that cursed her in the first place.  Can you refer me to a good PI?”

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